He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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