Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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