Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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