yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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