You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
