I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
