So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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