kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
