Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
