Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
