Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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