i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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