he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
