Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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