idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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