Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
