I CAN MOONWALK!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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