I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
