Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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