at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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