While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
