so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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