i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
