With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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