Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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