his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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