im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
