Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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