I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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