the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
