Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
