she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
