you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
