Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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