Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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