Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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