You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
