I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
