I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
