When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
