Apparently you make a good broom.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
