i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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