You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
