Me. At least after what I've been through.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
