so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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