dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
