Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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