Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
