woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
