Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we're making bets on your personal life
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
