i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
the liver wants what the liver wants
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
